So because my brother got married last month, it's a topic that has been omnipresent for the past 6 months. Particularly because I helped plan the reception so I am well versed in the details involved.
Often, I'd be complaining to my friends about how stressful the wedding planning was going and how much it was a pain in the ass, only to be replied with either "But weddings are beautiful!" and "Wait til it is yours". To which I mostly reply that I would much rather elope, and am subsequently greeted with a lot of "WHAAAAT?"
Which brings me to my point - are weddings really that necessary? I mean, I get it. It's a celebration that every person gets once (or twice.. or thrice) in their life. It's an opportunity to have the day of your dreams to celebrate being married to the love of your life in front of your friends and family. Its a nice excuse for people to get together, dress up and party.
But really - I don't see how it's worth all the stress and months of planning that are put into it. From menu choices and linen to table arrangements, there's an infinite amount of detail that needs to be decided. I can think of many other uses of my cognitive resources. Weddings involve blood, sweat and tears that eventually culminate in one single day where you're likely to be too out of your mind tired to really enjoy. Also, family all in one enclosed location? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.
If you're asking why don't I just have a small wedding? Yeah, I can't do that. By default Asian standards, weddings are huge affairs. From tea ceremonies with family in the morning to wedding receptions that have like 400 people (every single relative must be invited. Even if you have spoken to them a grand total of once in your life. My brother and I used to joke about how it's akin to inviting the whole "kampung", i.e. village. But really, this would be considered a small-ish wedding. Weddings in India can last up to a week and have thousands of guests. /shudder). And because there are so many people around, it doesn't become about celebrating the couple anymore. It's more about trying to entertain and feed everyone. Mind you, my plans for eloping might actually involve people coming along so it's not like it'll be completely devoid of people. Like my best friends, who I probably want around. Or maybe not.
So many girls I know have dream weddings that they've been planning in their heads for years and simply can't wait to be able to make it a reality. I don't, and sometimes I wonder whether I am weird. I have no opposition to getting married and what not, but I don't think the wedding is really all that necessary.
What are your thoughts on weddings?
My friends and I were actually talking the other week about the socially constructed "white wedding" and how strange it was. I'm pretty much on your side with all this, especially regarding the money thing. You watch a rom com or or chick flick and the girl spends thousands of dollars and many weeks picking a wedding dress - a dress she'll wear once in her life. I have no interest in doing that. Weddings seem to become about the wedding rather than about the couple or about the commitment.
ReplyDeleteThe problem for me is that since the Big American White Wedding has been so ingrained in my head since youth, I did grow up having fantasies about it and sometimes still do. So part of me wants one even though most of me doesn't want to want one...if that makes sense.
It's definitely not just rom coms and chick flicks! It's reality as it is. After a while, I think the whole point of the wedding just spirals out of control.
DeleteYou can always have a tiny wedding! Just to fulfil your inner wedding needs :)
I also have those inner wedding needs. I made a Pinterest board where I pin dresses and cakes, that satisfied it pretty much.
DeleteI always thought it was dumb for the social construction of a wedding to have the groom pick a best "man". What if a guy's closest friend was a girl? I think he should be free to choose a best friend, not best man.
ReplyDeletehmm! I've never thought about this aspect of the wedding. But I guess it's based on the fact that best friends are most commonly of the same sex. Besides, the partner might just turn into a green eyed monster if her husband chose a girl!
DeleteWell James and I have already discussed at length that when/if we get married, he will be having a best girl. He has male friends, but his closest friends are girls. It would be weird of him to ask I guy to be his best man, as they just wouldn't be that close. I would never get jealous, because, I trust and understand the relationship that he has with her.
DeleteIn Austria we don't have best man/maid of honor/bridesmaids/groomsmen, we just have 'witnesses of marriage'. Doesn't matter what gender those are, for example my father's witness was his sister.
DeleteI have like ten different opinions about weddings/marriage and they all contradict each other. I actually think about those things a lot, for some reason.
ReplyDeleteI'm very guilty of getting caught up in the whole wedding thing. I do have a clear idea of what I'd like when I eventually get married. A simple church wedding with all and sundry invited, followed by a lunch with some choice family (those whom I have semi regular contact with) and bridesmaids/groomsmen, then a larger "party" in the evening with my friends and any family that want to stick around.
ReplyDeleteBudgeting is definitely going to play a massive part in whatever I do. It's silly to throw money at something which only happens for the day. You're not going to look back and remember the expensive flowers, and the fancy car, but the act of the marriage, your family and friends being together, and the importance it has on the rest of your life.
I feel like a lot of people forget that a wedding is about getting married. For me that's the most important part. I couldn't really care less what happens, as long as by the end of the day, I've declared my love for someone, in front of those that matter the most. It would be nice to have the customary things that go with a wedding of course, but I don't care too much if it doesn't happen that way
Your idea of weddings seems like what a wedding should be about! let's hope you get all that you want (and none of the unnecessary extravagance)!
DeleteI don't really know what I want my wedding to look like. Okay, not true. I do have a basic idea.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to get married in church because I'm an atheist and going to the registry office in a huge white dress seems weird. So I'd probably want to wear some pretty dress, go and get married with the close family (parents and siblings) and then have a party afterwards for extended family and friends. I supposed you could do an informal ceremony at that party, but I don't really need that, I've never been that much into the idea of vows and you may now kiss the bride and that stuff.
I've only been to one wedding so far, my boyfriend's cousin, but I did like that. They chose a church in Poland (she's Swedish and he's Polish so the ceremony was 90% Polish and 10% English - mostly about how we can't love anybody and only God loves us, I thought it was not exactly appropriate for a wedding) and afterwards we had a party with dinner in a hotel. It was nice, traditional, but honestly I can't imagine myself getting married like that. The planning must be so stressful and during the party you are exhausted and tired and I don't think you can really fully enjoy it.
I agree with what everyone has been saying about the white-wedding being so ingrained into culture...but interestingly enough I never really was interested in planning my wedding as a kid. That might be because I never actually got to go to weddings until I was in my twenties.... go figure.
ReplyDeleteI went to my Cousin's Wedding this summer and I really liked how she did the reception, it was fairly smallish (from what I've been told) but you could see the characters of the bride and groom in little details. They had a candy table. It was brilliant.
I like the idea of focusing more on the reception and for my extended family who doesn't see one another that often I think that it would be fun.
But I think the shortened version of what I am trying to say is that I too am conflicted on weddings and what I would do for a wedding.
:S