Following a recent discussion (which I feel I cut short with my telling a shocking story- sorry about that...) about appropriate dating ages, I thought that I would write about that. But first I will write about my family, because I like my family.
So yesterday I threw a family party (well, my mum threw a party- I mostly sat still and tried not to get in the way of organizing stuff) in honour of my 21st birthday (a few months late, but there hadn't been any suitable dates previously) which is a great opportunity to catch up with 2nd cousins who live too far away to chat with normally.
Also present were a group of people who are from a different branch of my family (grandfather's side, whereas everyone else was on my grandmother's side). While I had met some of them before, I was not of an age that I would remember. This included a 14 year old girl, who with high heels and make up looked about 18 and her 19 year old boyfriend, who with being rather slim and not particularly tall looked around 15. We'll leave their 8 month old out of it for now.
Also present were my favourite second cousins- 2 girls of 14 and 16, and the people with whom I spent most of my time at the party. We were discussing the nicknames that the younger girl has for the elder's friends. Ginger is fairly self explanatory; Creep follows her around school; and Paedo said he wouldn't say no to the younger. All the names are given in the spirit of fun and secondary school banter, but I thought that maybe Paedo was close enough in age to be allowed his fancy. So I brought up the formula that I have kept in the back of my mind for years for use in case of doubt.
(I first came across the half your age plus seven rule here and thought nothing of it. Randall Munroe, like all good engineers, is wont to come up with such things. It seems, however; based solely on the number of times I've seen this rule mentioned since; that this was a thing before Mr Munroe. In any case, on further inspection it seems to work so well when its results are tested against common sense (that ever illusive misnomer) that its source is irrelevant.)
The natural thing, when faced with a formula containing the variable of one's age, is to calculate it for oneself. The younger of my cousins was quick to point out that both the lower and upper age limits for a 14 year old are 14. So I conceded that below this it's not a great formula-but that maybe below 14 dating is something best done within a year age-wise, and in any case it probably shouldn't be a major part of one's life before then. My mum intervened at this point to suggest that we discuss something else. Anyway, I figured that a 16 year old might do reasonably well with a 14 year old if they were good friends and if... if... if... then the half your age plus seven rule need not apply.
And so the meandering machinery of my mind gets to point of this blog post; so un-subtlety foreshadowed earlier. The mother at the next table. She is tall for her age and after her size is coupled with her unsmiling demeanour she can strike quite an imposing figure. Although I spoke to the group as a whole and to several of them individually, I was quite at a loss as to how I could go about speaking with her, so our personal interaction was limited to an exchange of smiles (her's fleeting). The 19 year old father seemed much more relaxed and was often holding the baby. Again, I was unsure how to approach him, but as he was willing to join in the games (anyone else know the chocolate game? If you roll a 6 you get a go at eating chocolate with a knife and fork while wearing a hat, scarf and gloves until someone else rolls a 6- brilliant fun) I formed something of a good opinion of him. Not to mention that a smile to him was much more readily returned (I put a lot if stock by someone's willingness to smile- as I usually prefer to keep quiet, it's an easier form of socialising).
And so to conjecture, accompanied by the inevitable judging that must go on in all such cases. It is clear, I think, that this couple has no business having a baby. I don't know the circumstances of the conception, so I'll leave that and move on to whether they ever had any business being a couple. From seeing the mother, I felt that she was trying to appear grown up. What are grown up things? Make up? Clubbing? Sex? The father seemed decent enough- I'd imagine he's working (although I could be wrong). Did he know her age when they first met?
And so the half your age plus seven rule is violated. Is it right? Whatever that means. Is it creepy? I really didn't get that impression. These people lead lives in a culture I can only imagine. Who am I to judge?
(very serious post... I'll find something cheery to talk about next time)
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